Ang hirap nito... Urong sulong... sala sa init, sala sa lamig... umaaraw, umuulan...
Kailangang pigilan dahil hindi naman talaga tama... Pinipilit namin naming maging casual sa isa't isa... pero hindi pa rin maiwasan na magkaroon ng sweet moments... ang hirap... alam kong nahihirapan din sya pero pumili na sya eh... Sana naman ipakita nya na masaya sya sa desisyon na pinili nya para naman makahinga na ako ng maluwag... Mukha namang ayos na sya... Sana nga maging ayos na talaga sya... Pipilitin kong balewalain ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya kung makikita kong ayos na talaga sila... Yun naman talaga ang dapat eh, bago pa ako dumating sa buhay nya... If she really wants to keep me as her friend, fine... So be it... I'm her friend til the end....
Pero kapag naiisip ko na mas masaya sya kapag kasama nya ako, gusto ko syang agawin dun sa pare nya... Pero hindi ko kayang gawin dahil baka panandalian lang tong kasayahan na to...
Maybe, this is really just a phase... Maybe if I'll meet a new guy, i'll forget what I feel for her... Maybe... just maybe...
{ music } Guardian Angel
{ mood } mixed up
Written by omiko at 12:34 AM. Filed under IT World.
This is just my opinion, okay?
If you get into a relationship with someone who's already committed to someone else, then there's always that a breaking up looming ahead, right? My take on that is this: that if my partner who is committed to someone decides to end things with me (1) to be with his girl or (2)for any other reason, then I should bite the bullet and let him go. Even if it hurts. Consequently, if I should wish to remove myself from the relationship because (1) I've found someone for myself, or (2) I just want to stop being the other woman, then the guy should also let me go, even if it hurts.
So why does #2 keep bugging me to come back and be with him again? I think he is being unfair...
Written by DarkestSecret at 05:19 PM.
Ever since I was in elementary, I've always liked hanging out with my guy friends a tiny bit more than with my girl friends. I like being one of the boys. I like that boys have a lot less drama. And I especially like that my guy friends don't treat me differently "because I happen to be a girl". I am their friend--no gender biases there.
Here are my best guy friends, some of whom I've lost touch with, temporarily I hope, because of distance. But I am sure then when we meet again, it's be as if we were never separated from each other. This is friendship, guy style.
My favorite guy friends:
- WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER EVEN BEFORE WE KNEW OURSELVES: Two guys who were
my classmates the whole 6 years in elementary, and with whom I had gone to
the same the same high school. They didn't need to be invited to come to
my house on my birthday, even if it's during the holidays, and people
don't usually go to other people's houses on those days, they always went
out of their way to visit me on my special day, even if it's a good hour
away from the city. Also, if they were hungry and had already used up
their allowance, they'd come to me. I did the same to them. On family days
at school and I had no "family" to be with, their families
"adopted" me so I wasn't "the poor girl who had no family
on family day". They were better at grasping math concepts than I was
so they "tutored" me. But I was better at studying and always
got better grades. They never hated me for that, and still helped me with
stuff I hated, like physics! And whenever exam time came, they'd sit next
to me and I let them copy my paper. We all got good grades and were happy.
There was this guy I really liked in high school. He and I were close,
too, but he had a girlfriend. I never told anyone about my feelings for
that guy, but somehow these two guy friends found out, and they'd always
cheer me up when they knew I was down. When we were in college one of
these two guys tried to court me, but I said I preferred to be just
friends. We're still friends now.
- INTERNET FRIENDSHIP COME TO LIFE: A guy I met over the Internet almost 10 years ago turns out to be a good friend, even until now! We come from the same province so when we were still there, he came to my house a few times to just talk and watch TV. He has a girlfriend of 6 years who went to the same elementary and high school with me. She's one batch ahead of me. We're not really friends but she's cool and I like that she's not a jealous girlfriend. Even when she's in another country, she doesn't get mad that my friend and I go out sometimes to eat. Or that I he invites me to his place to watch movies. In fact, she prefers that I go out with him more than his other friends. I guess she knows very well that he's "safe" with me. He and I can talk for hours about whatever, and in a mix of English, Filipino, and our native dialect which is so super cool.
- I CAN DEAL WITH A "PERVERTED" MIND: My best college guy friend. He calls me "pare"
so I was assured that in his eyes, I was a guy. And that worked out really
well because for the whole 5 years of college, we were very close and
there was never any awkwardness. His family knew me well, and his parents
and I always have a good talk whenever I slept over. Even when I was with
him, he had no qualms about buying porn and "scandals". He even
lent me the good ones, and I did watch them LOL. There were times he had
girlfriends and he'd always introduce them to me. One time he had a
relationship with a girl his family didn't approve of. I was their medium
of communication. Sometimes in his car I'd see gas receipts from Sta. Mesa
and I asked, "How the hell did you get to Sta. Mesa when you live in
freakin' Paranaque?" "Pare, alam mo na yun," was his
answer. Hahaha. It always gave me a good laugh, and I'm laughing now as I
remember those many, many instances. When he had plans to do something
"illegal" with someone, he'd tell me that his mom was going to
check up on him and I was supposed to tell her that her son was with
studying with me. So I always covered up for him. My only request was for
him to never, ever get anyone pregnant. He was the only one who knew I was having a relationship with a married guy. I can't remember exactly what he said. But it was something short, like, "Pare, ingat lang ha." When I was in the worst time of
my life, and was close to being homeless, he was the only person I ran to and he told me I could live in their
house. I refused and instead got a small, dark, dingy room in a rotten place. He
helped me move and visited me from time to time to check if I was doing
fine. Unfortunately, I've lost touch with him. He's in the US now, but I'm
going to find this motherf***** and castigate him for not telling me. :D :D
===oOo===
There was only one guy friend with whom I did something "crazy" because, well, he really asked for it and we both knew it was just a one time and no strings attached thing. When he was still in Manila we'd meet occasionally (something like twice a year, really, thanks to busy schedules)to have dinner and catch up. It was just that one time when he was about to go home to our province that the crazy thing happened. :D Anyway, he and I are still good friends, and we still act like nothing happened. In fact, we're looking forward to meeting again after 2 years(?) when I go home this December. No crazy stuff, this time. :p Oh, so I'll make this guy #6.
**This is my third post for the day because I am very happy today. Happy enough to be reminiscing old times, old friends, and many other nice and positive things. This has been a super day for me!
{ music } Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin
Written by DarkestSecret at 11:18 AM.
Eto na to!... The end na yata ng whirlwind romance sa buwan ng nobyembre!
So tama nga ang hinala ko... Nakipagkita sya sa pare nya kahapon... kaya sya biglang nawala... Sabi nya may aayusin lang sya... tapos hindi naman bumalik ng tama sa oras... at nalaman ko kay norms na nagkabalikan na uli sila ang they are trying to work things out... Magsisimula uli sila... hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko kanina nung sinabi ni norms yun sa'kin... gusto kong umiyak pero nasa office ako tsaka ayaw lumabas ng luha ko... gumawa na lang ako ng sulat para kay brit... tsaka ng mga notes... at nag-focus sa calls... hindi ko rin sya tinitignan kahit gusto ko... pero pagdating ng lunch namin syempre magkasabay pa rin kami so there's the challenge... Ang pigilan ang halo- halong nararamdaman ko para hindi nya mahalatang hindi okay ang nangyayari... I'm making it easy for her para maging masaya sya sa naging desisyon nya... kahit unti-unti na akong nadudurog... binilisan ko na lang ang pagkain... tapos tumakas na ako nung dumating na si mommy shie... pinabayaan ko na silang mag-usap... napayosi na naman ako... sinamahan ako ni brit sa lung center... yun!... habang nagyoyosi ako, pinagsasabihan nya ako... Dapat daw hindi ko ibinigay agad ng todo ang lahat dahil alam ko namang hindi stable... paano ko gagawin yun kung sa simula pa lang na binuksan ko sa posibilidad ang sarili ko ay ibinigay ko na rin sa kanya ang lahat... For a moment, naramdaman kong sa kanya na umiikot ang mundo ko... Sya lang uli ang nagparamdam sa'kin na umiikot pala ang mundo para sa'kin para lang patigilin nya uli at iwanan na naman akong mag-isa...
Nag-vgh na naman sya... akala ko umuwi na pero pagkatapos ng shift namin, nakita ko sya sa red couch... sa paborito nyang pwesto... mukhang bagong gising pero mas lamang na mukhang galing sa iyak... On the way home, kinakausap sya ni norms... pero ayaw nyang mag-open ng topic tungkol sa kung ano ba ang nararamdaman nya... Bumabalik na naman sya sa malungkot nyang buhay dahil lang sa babaeng yun!... Wala naman syang napapala dun eh... bakit kailangan pa nyang bumalik dun?... Pwede naman nyang tuldukan na lang pero bakit mas ginusto pa nyang balikan yun kesa mag-move on at maging masaya... haaayyyssss... Hindi na rin lang ako nagsalita... pinipilit ko na lang syang intindihin... wala syang energy sa mrt pero ang kulit pa rin nya... Pagbaba namin sa boni, nakahawak sya sa likod ng jacket ko na parang batang mawawala... Pinagtitinginan nga kami ng ibang mga pasahero eh... hanggang sa pag-akyat ng hagdan... Haaaaysssss... paano ba ako magsisimulang mag-move on kung ganun sya sa'kin?... Parang ayaw nya akong bitawan... parang gusto pa rin nya na katulad pa rin kami ng dati kahit na hindi talaga pwede... parang sa'kin sya kumukuha ng lakas sa panahong ito... kaya ko syang suportahan sa desisyon nya pero pakiramdam ko ako naman ang unti-unting nanghihina... ako naman ang unti-unting nawawalan ng depensa sa lahat ng mga bagay na pwedeng makasakit sa'kin... at wala akong matatakbuhan... walang sasalo sa'kin... wala akong pwedeng hawakan para hindi ako matumba kapag tuluyan na akong nawalan ng lakas... Paano ko tataksan ang taong gusto kong tulungan?... Paano ko tatakasan ang taong ginusto kong mapangiti?... Paano ko tatakasan ang taong nagparamdam uli sa'kin na kailangan nya ako?...
Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko... I need a break from all this!...
{ mood } bumabaliktad na sikmura
Written by omiko at 12:24 AM. Filed under IT World.
Can girls like someone like or have a crush on someone harmlessly? Yes, we can, unfortunately, not all of us can. A harmless crush is a fun thing, when you can quietly giggle when your crush walks by, or blush when he says something nice. The good thing about a harmless crush is the absence of expectations. It could be because the guy is already committed, or you think he's out of your league, or simply because what you have is just a crush and you have no fantasies of living life happily ever after with this man. It's all good, really, because the absence of expectations makes you free from disappointment or worse, a broken heart. There are no complicated scenarios of feeling like having unrequited like (which is terrible), which could lead to depression and who-knows-what-else.
Are you capable of this? 'Cause I am, and I think this is what makes me happy, so happy!
I can remember many of these harmless crushes, and I do still have a lot of them, and I always remember them fondly, without that needle pricking my heart or something.
I can't write down about every one of them, but here are some of my "favorite" crushes.
(1) When I was a student, I had a harmless crush on this professor. He was not my professor, but I knew him. He didn't know I existed, I think, but that just made it better! :D Everytime I needed inspiration to study, and everytime I had an exam in or near that building, I'd casually walk by his office. Whenever I saw him, I felt so happy and ready to conquer the world. Guess what, I aced all those subjects. He's still working there, and I hope another student can have another harmless crush on him and have him as an effective lucky charm!
(2) I had a harmless crush on my team leader when I was still working in a call center. Guess what, I was never absent, or late (partly because it's not in my nature to come in late for work, and partly because of him) and I always performed well because I wanted to hear him say "Good job!" :D :D And every time my TL requested some of us to do overtime, and I didn't have anything planned for the day, I volunteered because I knew how finding someone willing was really difficult. I was living alone at that time so I volunteered to come in at Christmas and New Year, too. I hit many birds with one stone (1) I didn't have to spend the holidays alone, (2) I was with my cute manager, (3) the food at the office was super, and we were allowed to eat at our workstations!, (4) I earned a lot, thanks to holiday pay. haha! I really loved what I was doing; I was part of an excellent team, and had an amazing superhuman manager whom I had a big crush on. Why wouldn't I go to work everyday?
I still have crushes now, and will continue to have them. I never tell anyone about it so I never get teased. But I get all the fun
Written by DarkestSecret at 10:53 PM.
If you deserve it, like you really are doing something, then you can't complain, right? But when it's baseless and springs from mere paranoia, yay, it could get ugly.
I know of someone who was so paranoid about her boyfriend possibly exchanging e-mails and chatting with girls. The guy was friendly, but he was devoted to her he wouldn't do anything to betray her trust. The woman, wanting to have concrete evidence, bought software that records all the keystrokes you make.
How does it work? According to the guy's sibling, this program records every key you press on the keyboard, and then sends the report to the woman's email address. Initially she didn't have access to his email account. But thanks to the program, she was able to gain access to all his accounts--email, networking, and what-have-you.
The guy was exchanging emails with ex-girlfriends (yes, plural form,), but not with the purpose of rekindling the fire, or anything. It was just for friendship's sake(really!). But she was so jealous that she she couldn't help confronting him and accidentally mentioning the contents of the emails. That was how he realized she had somehow gained access to his email. He defended himself, by telling her matter-of-factly that really, the emails didn't mean anything. But she wouldn't believe him.
The guy asked his techie sibling to help him figure out how she could get all this information. (I can't tell you how he did it, suffice it is to say that he did find out that he had installed that program.) Sibling told brother about the program and as expected, it infuriated him.
Many other things happen which led to one thing--a bad break-up. And another kid with a broken home.
Written by DarkestSecret at 09:11 PM.
Nothing makes a day faster than looking forward to something. And today, what put me through the first half of my day was the fact that me and my friends went out tonight.
This get together was for Joie. To cheer her up from her recent breakup after a 5 year relationship. We (Andrea, Andrew, King, Neli, Joie and I) met up at Rob and had dinner at Don Henrico's, remembering our clerkship experiences. That was the time when we were still students, and from there started comparing our internships at different hospitals. We had a hearty meal, and I felt at home, reconnecting with those I shared a wonderful 4 years of medicine proper with.
After that, we walked to a Karaoke Bar where we sang a mix of vengeful and sentimental songs for Joie. Some, for me. For them, too. I was tipsy and having so much fun, fun, fun, when..
He texted. He says he wants to die. He says I hurt him too much.
It's not the first time he's said that. He does it when I don't text or answer his calls or when I tell him that I don't feel the same. But now, I don't even know what I've done. I was always upfront and honest. And I did try to like him. I tried so hard, that I even DID like him. And he even thought I loved him back already. But it's not enough..
Because I knew the difference when I fell for somebody (who betrayed me instead). Argh. I am being played and twisted by fate.
It's good that work takes so much out of my mind. The brain can only do one thing at a time, and it helps to keep focus on what's in front. In a few hours time, I'll be on track a 32 hour tour of duty, mending other people's bodies when I am so...broken inside.
{ music } Jaded - U2
{ book } Surgery Case Files - Toy and Liu
{ mood } troubled and sleepy and wishful
Written by joycie at 08:55 PM.
Let's say you are in a relationship, or you're married. And then you find out he/she is cheating on you. You have concrete evidence: your partner is seeing someone else. You don't know the reasons, yet. Is it just sex? Is it just companionship?
What are you going to do?
====================================
I've been on the receiving end of a wife's wrath so... whew, boy was it tough. But hey, I thought that if I were in her shoes, I'd probably do the same, and more! :D
Written by DarkestSecret at 04:06 AM.